Hi,
My name is Jean and I live in East Orange NJ.
I first knew I was gay when I was about 13 or so. There was nothing in my life that suggested I was going to turn out this way like preferring to play with girls or anything. It was just that at that age when all the boys at school talked about girls they fancied, I knew I had an eye for boys and used to sneak a look out in the gym and on the playing fields when we did PE. I kept it to myself but later when I was 14 like so many others I fantacised about having a relationship with other boys at school or men I'd seen on the TV or something, when I m**********d (I was a late starter). That's how I definately knew.
My first (and one of only a few) gay encounters I had was with a man I met who lived near me. He had a bit of a reputation but I knew I could trust him to keep it a secret. But my first 'love' was with a man who after a couple of months of 'secret' meetings, tragically died in a car accident. Keeping my emotions to myself so that no-one would ask awkward questions was so hard and I had to go to his funeral with no-one knowing who I was or why I was there - it still hurts to think about it.
I am now 27 years old and still not out. I did try to tell a friend once but sensed that he wouldn't receive the news well so I pulled back. I act straight, talk straight and look straight. But all the time inside is something burning to get out and in this very old fashioned macho town, I think that the news would go down like a lead balloon.
I'd just like to say that if at all you feel genuinely that you are gay and not going through a phase like a lot of boys do in experimenting, don't be like me. In truth and deep down I am not happy. If you have the courage, let your trusted friends and family know your feelings as I feel it would make life easier later on - and you'll find out who your real friends are. And it is bound to make meeting other like-minded people easier.
Where ever you are and what ever our sexuality, I wish you all the best of luck.
Jean R.

 I had a very crazy/difficult/intense coming out experience that took place close to 5 years ago at age 19. I was in college, in a serious relationship with a girl, and still not out to myself. Basically a year into the relationship I completely freaked out, I couldn't deal with being gay and couldn't deal with everything that came along with being gay.
My only solution at the time was to break up with my girlfriend. That was basically the end of our relationship, as it took me some time to become comfortable with my sexuality.
Nonetheless, I ruined my first relationship with a girl. It was definitely a learning and growing experience to say the least.

I wouldn't call it a coming out story considering i haven't come out. I never really dated in high school. I had boyfriends in junior high but I just like kissing them. I never dated much in college.I dated one guy for 8 monthes,but never had any feelings for him.
I had my first lesbian experience when I was 19. I was rooming with my best friend at the time. We had a lot of sex but, we really didn't know what we were doing. That lasted about 5 months. We're still friends but we don't discuss it. She's married w/children.
I've been alone until 3yrs ago when i became best friends with a coworker. She was going through a divorce and we got close and it happened. That lasted a year. She's now married with one child. I still love her and were still Best Friends. I never really knew I was gay until I fell in love with the second one. I've always ran from it because i wanted to be "normal". Now I'm just lonely.

 I'm 22 years old and a junior in college. I am bisexual and last march I celebrated my 3 year coming out anniversery. I remember having my first crush on a guy in the 7th grade. He sat next to me in music class. He was an obvious queer even then. Already an accomplished ballet and folklore dancer .
I was confused by this crush because I was sure I liked girls. I couldn't be gay and like girls too could I? I buried these thoughts for another 3 years until I was a sophomore in highschool. I started having crushes on other guys on my soccer and swim team. I also had a crush on A.C. from ZIN. Pretty pathetic.
It wasn't until I was 18 that I told my parents. It went over quite well. I was lucky to have such accepting parents. The whole process hasn't been easy. I quit one college, where I was a starter on the varsity soccer team, to attend a more tolerant one. It has made me stronger and given me the self-confidence to be myself ! and stand up for myself.

 I'm 18, and I came out to my whole family 5 days ago. I've known that I'm a Lesbain for a few years, but I constanly faught it, the idea of it, the reality of it. I was raised in Haiti in a VERY religous household. All my friends made fun of and seemed to hate gay people. (me and my family now live in New York).
The main reason I held back so long on my "coming out" was because of my religion and fear of not being accepted by God, for my so called sin that I couldn't fight. My mom had cancer and passed away in Feb 2002, but I made a point of telling her before she passed away, because she was the only one I "needed" acceptance from. Lucky for me, she said she was happy if I was. That was in about December 2001. Once my mom knew, it was easy to tell my sister, and she was GREAT about it, she now calls me her little dyke sister (yay!).
I meet the most amazing woman in the world. Her name is Mishka. And shes now my EVERYTHING! And even though shes not "out" and her family doesn't know, except her sister. I came out without fear to my family because I knew that whatever happened, however they reacted my Mishka would stand beside me, and support me if needed.
So I told my family, I got a very mixed response. My dad... well he hasn't said a word to me since I told him. But I expected as much seeing as I haven't seen him for over 2 years. My grann was "disappointed", but if I'm happy then she's happy. My youngest aunt, thinks I'm only saying I'm gay to hurt her, and she totally avoids the topic. My oldest aunt thinks I need to go to church more often and "sort" myself out with God. The rest of my family have made no comment good or bad on the topic.
I'm much happier now that I'm out, I feel.... amazing!! All my friends knew, it was just my family that were in the dark about my sexuality. I know "coming out" isn't easy for some people, and hey look at me, it took me over 5 years, to accept my feelings, and to finally step out my little closet. And just a little word to all those out there who havn't come out yet.... Do it in your own time, do it for the right reasons, and be at peace with it. Love yourself and accept yourself then others can do the same.