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The term “coming out” is a shortened version of the phrase “coming
out of the closet,” which is a metaphor for revealing one’s sexual
orientation.
Coming Out is the process of recognizing, accepting, and sharing
with others one’s sexual identity. Coming out is not a single event,
but rather a life-long process. In our society, people generally
assume that everyone is heterosexual, so persons who are Lesbian,
Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, or Questioning (LGBTQ) must
continually decide in what situations and with whom they want to
correct that assumption by disclosing their sexual orientation. In
every new situation, with every new person they meet, they must
decide whether or not to come out.
There are many stages in the coming out process, and the process is
not exactly the same for every person.
Generally, the coming out process begins with coming out to
oneself: the internal process a LGBTQ person goes through in
recognizing and accepting their sexual orientation. This can be
frightening and depressing at first for many people, because they,
like almost everyone in our society, have learned negative
stereotypes and many myths about LGBTQ people as they were
growing up.
Later Stages of coming out involve choosing to disclose one’s
sexual orientation to others.
Coming out can be a very long and difficult struggle because it
involves not only confronting the constant assumption that one is
heterosexual, but also confronting homophobic attitudes and
discriminatory practices along the way.
Ultimately, coming out can be a very freeing experience for persons
who are LGBTQ because it allows them to live a more honest life and
develop more genuine relationships with others. (from hgla.org)
How do I know if I’m gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender?
There is no foolproof way to determine your sexual orientation or
gender identity. Some people say that from the time they were very
young they knew they were different while others don’t realize their
identities until later in life. Feelings of a sexual nature can be
confusing at any age, but more so if they are directed at members of
your own sex.
Moreover, sexual behavior does not necessarily determine sexual
orientation – especially during adolescence, when experimentation is
common. For example, some adolescents may identify themselves
as gay or bisexual without having had any sexual experience with
someone of the same sex. Other people have had such experiences,
but do not identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual.
If you think you might be gay, lesbian or bisexual, ask yourself:
When I dream or fantasize sexually, is it about males, females or
both?
Have I ever had a crush or been in love with someone of the same or
opposite sex?
Are my feelings for others of the same or opposite sex clear?
If you cannot answer these questions now, give yourself time.
You
and only you should decide how to identify yourself.
Coming to the realization that you are transgender may also be confusing.
There are many definitions of transgender — the broadest of which is one
who bends, challenges or stretches traditional gender roles. Some
transgender people define themselves as female-to-male or male-to-female
transsexual and take hormones prescribed by a doctor; some undergo sex-
reassignment surgery. Some are cross-dressers who identify as their gender
at birth but sometimes dress in clothing of the opposite gender.
Others are
transvestites who cross-dress for sexual gratification or to express their
transgender nature. And some people simply identify as transgender
because they don’t feel comfortable with exclusively male or female gender
identities. Remember that any number of these descriptions may apply to
you, and what you call yourself is still your decision.
Why Come out?
Coming out allows the person to develop as a whole individual, allows for
greater empowerment, and makes it easier for an individual to develop a
positive self-image. By coming out, the person is able to share with others
who they are and what is important to them, rather than having to hide or lie
about their identity. Coming out frees the person of the fear of being “found
out” and helps them avoid living a double life, which can be extremely
stressful and demoralizing. Finally, coming out makes it easier to connect
with people who are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, or Questioning
(LGBTQ) giving a sense of community.
Outlining some of the benefits and risks of coming out is not meant to
convince anyone to choose to come out or not come out in any given
situation. Rather, thinking about some of the possible outcomes of such a
choice can clarify an individual’s decision by helping them determine the
appropriate time for coming out and preparing them for possible reactions.
Some Benefits of Coming Out
• Ability to live one’s life honestly.
• Building self-esteem by being honest about oneself.
• Developing closer, more genuine relationships with friends and family.
• Alleviating the stress of hiding one’s identity.
• Connecting with other people who are lesbian, gay, and bisexual.
• Being part of a community with others with whom you have something in
common.
• Helping to dispel myths and stereotypes by speaking about one’s own
experience and educating others.
• Being a role model for others.
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